I would go so far as to say that the preoccupation can become an obsession. Preoccupation with rejection, loss, or ridicule.I once had a teen client who would push every button she could think to push on me until she began to believe that perhaps I was on her side after all. My experience with avoidant personalities is that they will often push the limits to see if you will still approve of them. Unwillingness to engage in interpersonal relationships unless they are certain of being approved of or liked.The avoidant personality seems to desire affection and acceptance, but doesn’t know how to fully experience or obtain it. For example, a woman with avoidant traits may fantasize that her boss is interested in becoming her husband and that they truly love each other even though he’s happily married with 7 kids. Many people with avoidant personality disorder live in a fantasy world that helps them feel emotionally connected to the world. There is an underlying fear of becoming “transparent” in a relationship or fully experiencing the relationship. Some people refer to the avoidant personality as “shy” or “timid.” But the personality characteristics far exceed shyness. It’s as if the avoidant personality engages in the “he loves me, he loves me not” game with every relationship encountered. Many are loners or isolators who are too fearful to enter relationships or maintain the one’s they already have. The avoidant personality almost has a very fragile ego, self-image, or understanding of how relationships are to operate. Avoidant personalities often draw near to people they love or care about, and later pull away out of fear. Individuals with this disorder also find it difficult to trust or express their deepest feelings for fear of abandonment, rejection, or loss. Healthyrelationships are stablebecause everyone in the relationship understands boundaries, needs, wants, weaknesses, and even strengths.īut sadly, someone with an avoidant personality disorder, finds it very difficult to develop healthy relationships with boundaries. We don’t feel the need to carry this burden. We don’t typically fear abandonment, rejection, or loss without reason. Healthy human relationships are reciprocal and we understand what keeps relationships healthy and moving forward. Or a son learns that when he draws his mom a picture she will make him his favorite dinner. A wife learns that if she talks to her husband after work, she will more than likely be able to get him to fix the garage over the weekend. Once we understand who that person we love is, we develop normal attachments that help us communicate our needs, wants, and hopes. We don’t come into this world loving anyone, we grow to love someone and to cherish who they are. Even children learn to love their parent(s) overtime and through various experiences. Most of us struggle with attachment and need an appropriate amount of time to develop an intimate, loving relationship with someone else. This article will explore avoidant personalities and offer tips on how to cope with an avoidant personality. About 5.2% of the US adult population is affected by avoidant personality disorder and almost every contributor (about 60)in the comments sectionclaimed to have experienced a relationship with avoidant characteristics. Did they love you in a strange way, often equating “separateness” or “independence” with love or strength? If this sounds familiar, then perhaps this article is for you. Have you ever had a relationship with someone who appeared loving and interested in the relationship, only to later pull away when things got too “involved?” Did you raise a child who would hug you and show you unconditional love one moment, and the next totally detach from you as if you were a stranger? What about your own mother or father.
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